One of the most used Instagram captions, “You are your longest commitment” (followed by 2 lines of ultra-optimism and self-love) is also one of the things we forget to act on in our lives.
No matter how happy and healthy you are individually, you can’t afford to lose your meaning of your worth, while being there for people you admire and love deeply. you can’t keep standing up to people’s expectations of you in inconvenient situations thinking, “this isn’t so bad!” or “it’s okay, no big deal”, while burying every thought that rises inside you telling you otherwise. Because one day or another, the iceberg of hidden expectations will float onto the surface of your poker face, making you lose control. It doesn’t even come with flashy warning placards saying, “stop! danger ahead! you’re losing yourself!”
It’s a gradual process; so slow you won’t know what hit you!
Being apologetic for something you didn’t do just because somebody else chooses not to is downright unhealthy. Always taking the fall for things because you don’t want to risk losing something doesn’t really cut it all the time.
You’d think otherwise, but the voice inside your head would agree. Because it sees all the Hercules feats you do for others, while you won’t even go the extra mile for yourself and clearly tell somebody that you won’t do something for them.
Relationships are more enhancement than performance and it is only when you move on to better your relationship with yourself that you can prevent your core needs from pushing their way into your psyches. More importantly to finally consider the fact that we are individuals.
Independently acting, thinking, conscious beings who stand and mean bigger than the labels, roles and definitions others use to define us.
Psychological core needs outweigh disciplined agenda and no matter how good you are at it, fighting your own expectations of yourself is corrosive.
Our emotional needs need to be met in a healthy way and not through another person. We think we need people to be there for us because we don’t know how to, but what we really need is to reacquaint with our wounded selves. Because, there’s only so many times we can call in outside counsel for our peace of mind.
So, the best piece of advice this 20-year-old has is this –
The more responsible we hold ourselves for our emotional well being, the more comfortable we’d be in our own skin and more will our relationships flourish.
For the record, this does not conclude to shutting everybody off because ‘you’re pretty responsible on your own’, but to start with accepting the fact that expressing our desires to someone doesn’t necessarily mean that the other person exists to satisfy them.
Vice versa, obviously goes without saying.